Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Everything Else Can Suck It

Ed headed back over the mountain today, and I missed him immediately. One thing about being out of work for five years, we spent a lot of time together, now we are scrambling to find a few minutes alone.

We kept staying up all night while he was here just to get in what time we could. We talked. We planned. We dreamed. We came up with solutions, and the relief is immense. We need each other. We balance each other out.

I don't mean to get so grumpy, and I hate it when I take it out by him. He's a good man, and I try to remember to tell him how thankful I am to have him in our lives as often as possible. More than that, I try to remember to show him. He is a very easy man to love.

I dreamed of him for many years, all the while thinking that a man like him couldn't possibly exist and then there he was. I shudder to think I could have ended up with someone else. He is my perfect compliment. I tried to make it work with a lot of people, to hold on to what. I was supposed to be waiting for him.

We started with four kids from day one.

I still remember when Ed was making 60k a year. The bills were all paid. We could afford to get away. We didn't have to worry about money. It was nice.

But... our relationship sucked.

I clearly did not love him for his monies:

We were both disabled, had no money, few distractions, and we had each other. It was kinda awesome sometimes.

It's easy to say we are working for our families, but right now I wonder how people can put each other first while both working full time outside of the home. How do they find time for their kids and keep them fed?

Money or time? Money or time?

We are still responsible for four lives, for people who can't yet take care of themselves. Our number one job right now is getting them there. We always wanted to find a way to make both possible. Writing? Tattoos? Video games?

We had a plan there... but we's still got babies.

Yes Mom, we know we gotta do what we gotta do. That still doesn't mean that we have to like it. We have some idea of where we are going, and it's gonna take a lot of blood sweat and tears from all six of is to get there.

Economy don't fail us now. Mystery wants to go to Harvard Law at 80k or so per year.

And we have four years left. We didn't just commit to each other, we committed to a whole family. We will find a way.

We aren't in this alone, we have each other. Yeah... we can do this.

My family is the most important thing on the world to me. Everything else can suck it.


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