Thursday, August 15, 2013

I Don't Need My Fr#$%ing Hormones!

The consensus is, it's time for mom to get back on her hormones. I let them go last year because the estrogen alone is $80. The progesterone is like... 50? And testosterone is another 30 or so (I think). It's hard to recall now.

I'm thinking just estrogen to start. It's the most important Without out I am way too male.

But the Commitee has decided that I am a raging bitch that isn't fit for public consumption without them.

Fair enough.

A look at the past year certainly confirms that Ayngel without hormones has absolutely zero patience. My bullshit tolerance has also dropped to historically low levels.

Okay. Point taken.

It's amazing how fast the money goes.

I did get in and get four teeth fixed today. Almost all of my top front have been capped, and there its only one really yucky one left when I smile.

It's really nice.

Brooke and I are working on manifesting awesome sales for the book. I know that I have worked very hard on this book. I'm not sure that I have ever accomplished anything this big in my life aside from growing three human lives.

That was pretty hard to top.

The book is vast near ready for print. I have a few finishing touches to add, doing some last minute tweaks, and otherwise fiddling like crazy, but there is a finished product there. I can almost touch out now...

I've been off of all of my meds, but it's time to find a way to get back on them so we can keep moving forward. I've got to be my best to get this done.

If mom ain't functioning, the house ain't functioning.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Summer Visit Cut Short

Mystery found out about freshman orientation at the last minute and her dad had to come get her early. *sighs*

I had a few hours notice to adjust.

Before I stepped outside to hand her over, my super intelligent husband reminded me to hold my tongue unless I could assure that my words were kind.

I chose to say nothing.

I spent the rest of the day wondering if it was possible that all of the words really have been said. He's not listening to any of us, and we're all exhausted trying to jump through the hoops only to get nowhere.

I have no choice but to let go. To accept that whatever will be will be. Either this course will be corrected or it won't.

Everyone has been hurt, and the wounds are still very fresh. It's too soon to know anything for certain... but I've always tried to teach them that right now is not the time to make all of the decisions for your future. You don't have all of the information that you need to move forward yet.

I am here with my kids every day. I see the pain they are going through and I want to help, but there isn't much that I can do but remind them how very loved they really are.

I have also taught them that a relationship without communication does not exist. That the communication sucks in this situation is obvious, what can be done about is unknown.

For now all that I can really tell them is to move forward. Someone who wants to be a part of your life will travel with you. Someone who doesn't will fall behind.

Sometimes all that we can do is let them.

I miss Miss Mystery, our family once again feels incomplete. Her freshman year is here and she now begins her trek to law school. She can do this...

Peace be with you baby girl.