Wednesday, May 22, 2013

All of the Labels I Have Worn; Poor, Uneducated White Trash?


I had kids before college, and never could make it work. I am a two time high school dropout that they finally graduated just to get rid of, and a beauty school drop out as well. One kid, two kid, three kid, and minimum wage doesn't even pay daycare. I've had to do without a lot of material things over the past twenty years or so.

It was my choice.


In the last 18 years I have worked at three different local restaurants, Taco Bell, Wendy's, Wal-Mart, Salvation Army, landscaping, housekeeping, I ran a flea market booth, cleaned a salon, I was a manger at a dotcom gone dotbomb, I was a security guard, worked in a daycare, and have run two different store fronts one for five years and the last for a year.

I have never been fired from a single job. 


Formally I took a year and a half of architectural drafting, six weeks of beauty school, I have a nail technology degree without the license and I am a Colorado trained and certified Domestic violence and Sexual Assault Victim's Advocate. I maintain a web presence at Squidoo, and on five different personal sites dedicated to niches.

Informally I taught myself web design, graphics, marketing, bookkeeping, and of course... writing. I've volunteered a lot too.


All I have ever wanted to be was a writer, but everybody pushed me towards the traditional paths. I tried and I tried but I didn't fit inside of the box they had chosen for me. I didn't fit into any one box at all. Different sizes, different shapes, new vantage points, and experiences to absorb. I have never ever stopped learning, stopped experiencing, stopped living.


After I got sick the doctors told me that I would never work again. I kept thinking about applying for disability, but in my mind that was giving up. That was giving in to circumstances. It was a box. So instead I applied for a Job Retraining Program. I told them that I wanted to be a writer from day one, but they said they didn't fund writers. They did fund video game designers though, so I took it. I built and sold avatars in Second Life for many years alongside my beloved hubby.


As Second Life went downhill my writing finally picked up. Squidoo brought me out into the world and I have been doing little else for the past four years. I wake up, I write, I sleep. I try very hard to earn everything I take from this world. I didn't have a choice when it came to going on public assistance, but I never stopped trying to get off of it.


I'm not on any public assistance anymore, we finally reached a steady income and no longer qualify. My teeth are rotting out of my head, I can't afford prescriptions, my furnace went out, my car barely runs, and every single day something else breaks. It's sink or swim these days, but we are swimming towards something...


Yeah, there are a lot of labels in this world but they don't really mean much underneath. I was sick and tired of all of those labels but there they are. I have done everything I could to prove to others that they weren't true, but they still keep sticking them on me anyhow.

They think they are labeling me for my own good, but those labels are purely for them.


I'm doing the best I can to rip every single one of those labels wide open right now, but some people still only see what they always wanted to see. A failure.

I suppose only time will tell which of us is right. I'm not too worried though. I have no reason to be ashamed of a single one of those labels.

Besides I am too busy trying to add a new label...



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