Friday, September 6, 2013

Starting Rumors About Myself...

A friend of mine was recently warned not to talk to us because we dress goth.

No. Really. That's it.

These rumors date back a few years now, but they have intensified recently. One woman has been very vocal about her disapproval of my appearance in the movie...  more specifically of the amount of eyeliner I wore while representing her town.

Eyeliner? Really? Ummmm... you're welcome?

These are the same people who shunned our shop. They have shunned my kids. They have shunned me. But they can't seem to stop taking about us either... in an area with 1200 people gossip is all some people have.

They've barely even spoken TO me.

I can't say that I didn't expect some gossip from my attempts to build a career oustside of the area but come on. Is that all?

Silly, silly people...

This does explain the other rumors that have been making their way to me lately. Apparently the meth rumor is circulating again too. Which I realize is the easiest way to explain my weight loss, inaccurate but easy.

As much time as they spend talking, they sure aren't very observant. I quit doing drugs before I became a mother. That's twenty years by my count. It was high school. Get over it.

Believe it or not meth isn't the only thing that causes illness. I have an adrenal malfunction. That's adreneline, not drugs you dopes. Do you have any idea what meth would do to already fried adrenals?

You spend a few years vomiting when you are stressed out, and you are always stressed out... you lose weight. It's pretty simple.

All of the fun side effects, no meth needed.

No, really, thanks for your concern. Next time, just send a get well card.

And the dressing goth thing?

I can only imagine them clutching their manuals on the satanic evils of goths. Watching my every move, just waiting for me to kidnap their infant children for secret midnight rituals and place curses upon their homes.

I never read that book though, I just like fun clothes. They are just clothes people... no satanic rituals included.

How seriously do these people take their clothes anyway?

Sighs. My life is always so much more exciting when I hear it filtered through the gossip chain. I'm almost jealous.

My real life is nothing so glamorous. I wake up. I work. I sleep. I wake up. Work some more. Sleep. Sometimes.. I actually leave the house. That's how exciting my life is.

For the next rumor, I'd like to be a bright, funny, and talented mother of four that has a brilliant writing career in front of her that involves lots of travel...

Can someone help me start that one?


MtDA said...

I would just point out them that Monster High Dolls are currently outselling Barbie, and you're just going for what young girls want to relate to, you know being a mother in all is all about relating to the kids.

Boshemia said...

Really? I had no idea that Monster High was that popular!

Yeah... these people?

Youth group leaders actually...

Thanks for the thoughts!

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