Thursday, August 18, 2011

On dating sex offenders and other such stupidity...

This is a public service announcement from the snark side.

One should not have to explain to a full grown adult that it is wrong to date sexual predators, but I’ve seen plenty of women defend their right to date who they choose. After all, when he explained the story it wasn’t as bad as everyone made it sound.

Forgive me for being blunt here. but do you really think someone is going to say, “So, I was having sex with this kid a few year ago...” Of course they are going to have a cover story, who the hell is going to admit that they are a danger to a child? Yes, some accusations are false it does happen. These are those red flag things that people sometimes talk about.

You know, those things people ignore until it is too late. We can’t always see them, some pedophiles are pros they come off as loving, caring, nurturing. We all want to believe that they are all creepy perverts in trench coats, when it is an upstanding member of our community, someone from our social groups, or god forbid a family member... we deny it. When it is a hot young female teacher, we don’t even consider it molestation.

Our natural tendency is to defend what we know, if they are like us then they can’t possibly be BAD. If you never understand anything else about sexual predators please understand this. They are very good at what they do. If they walked up to children drooling with a hunchback what child would trust them? They play on a child trust, and to do that they have to look just like everybody else... or maybe just a bit better. You can bet they will have a way of making themselves attractive to children, and often to adults as well.

If there are even rumors of a past abuse of history, pay attention to it. You don’t have to put it front and center. You don’t have to picket the guy (or girls) house. But be aware, watch how much time they spend with children and how much of that time is monitored. Without proof, all you can do is be wary... but once that proof has been obtained. The moment you know that person is a danger to your child your job as an adult is to keep them the hell away from your child.

If you can’t do your job, them somebody else needs to.

I know I am a strange mother, that most women, when finding themselves on a date with a prince of a man so not look them in the eye and say... “I was abused as a child, if anyone ever layed a hand on my children I would kill them, and the cops could have what was left.” I still checked his criminal record before he was allowed to meet my children.

Oddly enough, he married me.

It is my job as a mother to do all I can to keep my children safe. I will fail sometimes, we all will. It happens. But when we know that someone or something is a potential threat to our children and we choose to ignore it because it would make our life uncomfortable. We are no longer parenting. We are acting like the child.

When we repeatedly put our child into dangerous situations, we no longer have the right to call ourselves mother or father. They are not titles given freely, they did not automatically come as a birthright. To call yourself a parent you must actually parent.

Just because a new friend or romantic interest is nice to your children, does not mean they are safe with them. Just because you have known them your whole life doesn’t mean they are safe with your children. It is your job to watch for red flags and act appropriately. Supervision is your strongest defense against sexual predators. You have to be alert to the adults cues and your child’s cues.

Check your local sex offender registry. Keep up to date on it. If there are predators in the neighborhood warn your children and your childrens friends that they are not to talk to the person in that house and any contact with them should be reported to an adult. Keep it age appropriate. And keep an eye on the house and the children. Make sure they aren’t allowed to get close to any other kids.

I wish this were only one situation, but I’ve seen it over and over. Women that have dated multiple sex offenders. Women who still hang out with her molesters, and spend the night with their children. Women who have discovered that their partners were having sex with their teens and kicked the child out of the house. They have no idea that the honor of being a mother comes with the responsibility of protecting that child to the best of your ability.

If this is the best they have, it sucks. They need to be honest with themselves.

If you can’t do your job, be honest with yourself and find someone else who can.


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